First published in The Hindu, 4 July 2026
Given that we live in a fractured world, it’s not surprising that many people are living with a sense of unease. With mental health issues on the rise, individuals are contending with an existential crisis on an unprecedented scale. When young people feel hopeless rather than hopeful, it’s a sign that something fundamental is amiss.
Jennifer Breheny Wallace discusses the concept of mattering in her recently published and timely book of the same name. In its essence, mattering is about feeling that you are valued by others and that you can add value to the world. First coined by sociologist Morris Rosenberg, mattering is now “emerging as one of the most essential, yet overlooked” facets of well-being. Further, it is conceptualized as a “meta-need” as it factors in various psychological needs of “connection, belonging and purpose.”
Wallace avers that optimal well-being ensues only when this trio of needs are met. You may feel you belong to a family or a company, but you don’t feel you matter to those groups. Nobody cares about your opinion or asks how you’re doing. While your work may be considered meaningful, you’re unsure of the actual impact you’re having. Caring professions like medicine and teaching are typically perceived as being inherently fulfilling. Yet, many teachers and doctors feel their jobs are a grind as they don’t often receive heartfelt appreciation from students or patients. Similarly, though parenting is supposed to be inherently rewarding, when push comes to shove, stay-at-home parents may feel frustrated as neither their spouse nor their children seem to notice them.
Five elements
Wallace argues that people who are flourishing in life have a “mattering core” that serves as a buffer to navigate the twists and turns of life. Five elements constitute our mattering core. The first involves Recognition, where you feel that both “you and your actions” are valuable to others and that your ‘absence’ would be missed by them. Small acts of appreciation can go a long way in contributing to a sense of recognition. When we thank a colleague for chipping in or a friend for keeping a coffee date during a busy spell, we contribute to building their mattering core.
The second facet is Reliance where we “feel needed” as others are dependent on us. Whether it’s caring for a child, an elderly relative or a pet, when others rely on us, it contributes to our mattering. If you feel you are just a cog in a wheel at work, you may coni=sider volunteering or helping others on a regular basis. Ideally, try to employ your strengths to meet a need in the world.
While others may be reliant on us, we also need to strike a “balance between adding value” and “feeling valued ourselves.” In fact, when others are over-reliant on us, it can lead to stress and burnout. The next ingredient of mattering is Importance, where you feel “prioritized” by other people. When your needs take precedence over other matters by some people, at least some of the time, makes you feel significant.
Ego Extension, the fourth element, refers to the sense of caring you experience when others share in your triumphs and travails. Usually, this feeling is reciprocal. When someone mirrors your feelings, it’s very likely that you reflect theirs too.
The final ingredient, Attunement means that you “feel deeply understood and meaningfully responded to.” It involves being supported in the moment in ways that meet our current needs. When a person is able to figure out, without asking, whether we need a hug or a word of encouragement or mere silence, they are attuned to us.
Thus, mattering is something we co-create with others. Just as others can foster or foil our sense of mattering, we too can bolster or belittle theirs. If families, schools, and workplaces cultivate a mattering culture that respects the inner lives of its people, both individuals and communities stand to gain.
The writer is visiting faculty at the School of Education, Azim Premji University, Bengaluru, and the co-author of Bee-Witched.